Bleeding Out

Sunday night 9-8-08
I went to sleep.
Monday 3:30am I awoke with a strong urge to poop
(technical term for Bowel Movement)
SO? What do I do?
I pooped.
I looked at it.
(since everyone does, yet no one admits to it!)
It looked like a lot of blood.
Ok, so... I just blew a gasket
(technical term for bleeding.. somewhere inside)
Well, I do have Crohn's disease so maybe I just blew out a small vein.
No matter.
Went back to bed. Guts were rumbling something fierce!
I had to go again!!
Went, looked, more blood!
I got nervous. (understandably)
Back to bed, dry mouth, not feeling all that good.
Got up to get a sip of juice and could barely stand.
I thought I was going to faint.
I went back in the bathroom for round three.
Same results!
Needless to say I called an ambulance
in the Emergency Room within 10 min.
I'm not sure they believed me when I told them what I'd just experienced
until... they did some routine checks.
Blood pressure was 80/60 ! (normal 130/80 +/- 5%)
Hemoglobin: 10.3 (normal for adult males 17.0)
The staff became concerned. (me too!)
I started feeling worse and all they did was put an I.V. port in each arm.
NO, they didn't hook it to a bag of Saline. Just the ports! (I felt left out)
BP after 20 min. 70/50
They started a saline RUN! not a drip, RUN!
Then they started another in the other arm. Also running full open.
BP check. 65/47 (I was doubly concerned at this point)
I started to shake/shiver and feel cold, even with two oven heated blankets on.
Thoughts passed through my head about not tying up lose ends at home.
Who should I call. Can I call anyone with my hands shaking like this?
I remember hearing about people dying from 'bleeding out' They shake, then die.
After the two I.V. bottles were empty, Two more were put up, full speed!
I started feeling better.
When the bottles were done they checked my hemoglobin. 7.3 (again,norm: 17.0)
BP 80/60.
I beat it. I'm gonna live!
My first though when I got up?
go outside and have a cigarette.
I did.
It was glorious.
I came back,
Shuffled over to get a CT scan
CT scan showed nothing.
Admitted, poked, prodded, tested. Again and again and again.
Wednesday 9:00am. Colonoscopy.
Results. Internal Hemorrhoids. cut, tied, snipped.
Wednesday 2:00pm.
Released from the Hospital.
Having a near death experience was kind of cool.

It's been a almost four days since my critical health experience.
I can't believe I made it.
I don't understand why I lived.
I'd like to know why some live and some die.
I did not complete my mission here?
Am I destined to affect someones life?
Did I do something so horribly wrong that I have to stay in this world?

I have no answer

On the Road Again

I wrote the other day about having a reprieve.
Well, I now have had an epiphany.
I needed to get out, get busy, get a thrill.
Since I feel well enough to finally motorcycle again.. after two weeks of agony.
NOT motorcycling due to gut pain, did pain me in other ways.
Today I got up the nerve to get on my Ducati and rip up the road.
The inspiration was MotoGp racing on TV. As well as AMA Superbike Racing.
I've never been one to turn down a challenge!
People have told me that after a certain age you are supposed to stop certain activities.
Well, I've never listened.
I had a great hour or so on the 999 and thoroughly thrilled myself.
I've still got the knack to use a motorcycle to near it's limit.
On another subject:
I'm still aching and having pretty intense pains in the abdomen.
I'll deal with it as needed.
about a week ago, I was ready to admit myself to the hospital.
Today, I'm going back to work and probably going to do a great job.
Until I get sick again.
Whenever that may be.
Pretty soon I'll be on vacation again.
This time I hope I'll be well enough to have real fun.
I'm from New Jersey. Isn't "on the road" part of our genetic make up?